No easy way to say this... We will not be adopting a baby any time soon.
I got a call from our attorney this afternoon. He said he had some "probably not very good" news for us. So we went to see him...
He received a call from a fellow attorney, representing the father of the baby we had hoped to adopt. This attorney gave him several details regarding this man, and none of it was good. Being the age of sealed files and privacy laws, we don't know what the official condition(s) is/are, but what we do know is enough to make us back off from the adoption process.
Knowing that Katie's fetal alcohol syndrome is a birth defect, and not a genetic trait allowed us to look past any shortcomings she may have. But the father, it turns out is the middle link in three known generations of "a neurological disorder." Symptoms described to us included "chronic bad judgement, anger management issues, severe depression, and seeking frequent hospitalization for non-existent issues." There was more, too... But this list sums it up quite enough for us.
Now we needed to make a decision, and it was not an easy one. Ultimately, we chose to walk away from this adoption, because while we are confident that we could, and would raise a newborn in a great, loving environment, we do already have four other kids and we needed to balance the impact on all of our family. In our attorney's words, "you have to look out for the ones you have, and accept that not everyone can be parents to every child."
The news hit me like a boot to the gut. I had started a baby registry at Target for us. Cindy had gone to a local consignment shop and bought a ton of preemie clothing. Now we need to process the absence of that soon-to-be-ours baby, as well as the feelings of guilt at saying no because of risks that we determined to be too great.
Thanks to all of you for the encouragement, help, offers of more help, and everything else over the past week. Sadly, this story ended just as quickly as it began.
I am so sorry to hear this news. It's a hard decision to make, especially when you were so excited and things seemed to be going so well. I'm sure when it's meant to work out, it will. Until then, I hope you find comfort.
ReplyDeletesorry :( you were so excited. you could always adopt matthew from us :)
ReplyDeleteOh Mike I am so sorry. I'm sure that you and Cindy must be heartbroken. I do understand completely though. I would have Shawn again in a heartbeat, but there are families I know with disabled children that I thank Heaven every time I see them that I don't have a child with those problems. It really is a very personal choice. There is NO right or wrong choice to something like this and I think it would take a lot of faith and courage to make either decision. I love you both so much and I will be thinking of you and my nieces and nephews.
ReplyDeleteSo sad news. I am so very sorry you guys. I know how excited you both were. I hope that all will work out well for both sides. Such a tough thing.
ReplyDeleteYou will be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for you and Cindy. We had a similar experience last year when we were about to adopt a baby boy. Not for health reasons, but for a larger financial requirement than first stated. I hope you are able to find some peace, I know that we will keep you in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for all of you -
ReplyDeleteLife is full of many unexpected twists and turns. Who knows what might be waiting around the next corner...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sad to hear this news, I'll be praying for you, and also for the beautiful baby, that she'll be watched over during her trials that are to come.
ReplyDelete