Okay. I think the problem with the first two incarnations of this post was that I put too much effort into setting it up. So I'm just gonna dive into it now.
There are a lot of artists who used to be great, and are now jokes at their own expense, sounding like they're locked in a drifting time capsule, bobbing to the surface once a year or so, their talent getting more and more diluted with each cycle.
Then there are the artists who are equally past their prime, but rather than do the honorable thing (GIVE UP - RETIRE!) or the capitalist thing (RESIDENCY IN VEGAS, BABY!), or even the aforementioned bobbing to insignificance, they decide to become "credible" by hiring the current, often self-appointed tastemakers, to re-invent them every few years.
Problem is, the core problem doesn't go away. The artist is out of good ideas. Or has lost the ability to sing well. Or really, just needs to go away.
Case Number One:
MADONNA.
Yep, I went there. She seems to still be considered "untouchable" by the industry as a whole. But why?? It's certainly not because she's churning out hit after sing-along hit like she did 20 years ago! No, the press she gets these days is all about hand-picking a child to adopt from a 3rd world country (complete with ethics controversies), breaking up A-Rod's marriage, or writing children's books that I've never read, but according to people who have, I'm not missing anything.
Her music, meanwhile is dead in the water. She'd hinted that she was heading this way ever since Erotica came out in the mid '90s, but really made it official with her first single of the 21st century, 2000's Music. You (or anyone else!) could easily play the bass line for this song. Just find the note that the opening bass riff is on, and repeat for four minutes. Seriously. Remember the old Cheech 'n' Chong "Earache My Eye" bit, that had the stereotypical rocker gloating that he's so successful but only knows three chords? Well, Madonna topped it by only using one chord. And then when it gets to the chorus, the way she wails out "Music... Makes the people... Come together...." sounds like fingernails on a blackboard. I mean, it's just plain NOT good singing. Not that Madonna was ever a technically excellent singer, but go back and listen to any of her early hits, then jump back up to the current stuff, and it's hard to believe it's the same woman singing.
The latest big hit, her duet with Justin Timberlake, 4 Minutes, isn't quite as blatant... but again, it's seriously lacking in the melody department. I will admit to liking the chorus, but the verses just go on and on and on, with the backing track repeating the same eight notes over and over and over. Just to head off anyone who is preparing to say "But wait Mike! You used 4 Minutes in your latest DJ Mix!"... I used a remix of the song that actually made the daring move of changing the chords during the verse. And it worked.
In closing the Madonna chapter, I'll mention that my wife and girls love 4 minutes. But WHAT do they love about it?? Kaylee loves the part where Timbaland says "Madonna" in the post-chorus, pre-verse section. Cindy loves, from the same section of the song, when Madonna says "Tick Tock Tick Tock..." Note that the parts that make them love the song, really have nothing to do with it being a good song, or even a real "song." The second single from her current album is called "Give It To Me." I was sampling it the other night (while writing take one of this post) and Cindy said "That's HORRIBLE!"
I was happy to agree... Yo, Madonna! MELODY MATTERS!!!
The other grievous offender in today's article is none other than...
Michael Jackson.
"Oh, come now Mike..." you're saying. "He's too easy a target!" you're saying.
I say no. None of this has ANYTHING to do with what he may or may not have done in his fantasy/nightmare land. It has EVERYTHING to do with what he has done in a recording studio on and off since 1991's Dangerous CD.
For some reason, MJ has decided that the best way to counter the fact that his skin has faded and all of his "ethnic" features have literally melted away, is to work with the producers and tastemakers of the R&B scene to earn - just like Madonna - "credibility."
The thing is, Off The Wall, Thriller and Bad weren't historically huge sellers because they aimed at a certain segment of the music buying public. They were historically huge sellers because they were historically excellent albums! Michael clearly knows this, since he was afraid to release his 1995ish album on its own, and instead packaged it as a 2-disc set, with disc 1 being his greatest hits, and disc 2 being what should have been a standalone album. Except that if he'd released it as a standalone album, it would have flopped. Well, not completely flopped... That album had his very best song since he quit working with Quincy Jones (who produced the three huge albums). That song, "You Are Not Alone" still stands as an incredibly rich, gorgeous sounding production that fits in nicely with his other great songs. Let's see, what else did that album offer? "Scream" was a duet with his sister Janet. I'm guessing neither of them pulls it out for their concert sets... The rest of the singles pulled from there were even less memorable. But they sure did have "credibility!"
All of that pales, however, to the recent 25th Anniversary Re-Release of Thriller.
Yeah, again, he is always reportedly working on his next big thing, but all that ever comes out is hits collections and a repackaged Thriller. As part of the tribute to the legacy of that album, someone, probably an "image consultant" decided that re-doing "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" was a great idea. "Oooh! Ooooh!" they must have said, "And we'll get someone to guest vocal on it with you, to bring more CREDIBILITY to it!" But then they had to pick someone.... I can just hear it now... "I got it! We'll get Akon to duet with you! He's already doing guest vocals on 85% of the R&B songs out this year!" And I'm absolutely certain that someone, somewhere in the making of that pairing, enjoyed an evil chuckle at the fact that Akon was in big trouble for inappropriate behavior with a minor at a concert last year... to the extent that Verizon dropped their support of his tour...
Well, this new version of a classic song came out. Its label reads "Michael Jackson, featuring Akon". But if you have the misfortune of listening to the song, it's the other way around. Akon sings a completely re-written song, that occasionally leads into MJ singing one or two lines. But it's HARDLY his song.
Michael, you have an incredible legacy. You're also a hideous freak of nature. It's time to quit trying to re-invent yourself, and just relax. Sing the songs people actually want to hear, the way they want to hear them.
Until then, I'll be passing the time with my ORIGINAL edition of Thriller.
I stopped thinking about them years ago. They are not my thrillers at all.
ReplyDeleteMichael needs the money though. Let him keep reinventing himself. That is his real entertainment to all of us.
Madonna, she is an interesting character, but most definately lacking in the role model dept.
I am 100% in agreement with you Mike. Especially on Madonna. Iloved almost all of her early stuff. Ya know when she actually sang real songs. Of course even then I never thought she was a talented singer. She wasn't bad of course but go to any HighSchool and you will find at least a few young women that can sing, as well as or even better than her. No she made it on her style and hype. I hate how today's R&B is nothing like the excellent music that came out of the 60s and 70s. They were real songs. Now-a-days what stands for R&B is nothing but mindless back-up singing. Half the time you can't even tell who is the artist and who is doing back-up. It all sounds the same. If you have heard the first 20 seconds you have heard the whole song. The rest will just be those first 20 seconds repeated over and over and over. I also agree completely on the Michael Jackson thing too. I think Rod Stewart should be thrown in there too. Can you imagine his reaction if 40 years ago someone had told him that he would eventually end up singing elevator music to old people? Sad, sad, sad.
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