My protector is my tongue.
Well, specifically, the taste buds ON my tongue.
I've mentioned before that I'm rather adventurous with the foods I eat, and I'm good to try anything once, as long as it's not TOO disgusting in concept or presentation... My tongue is always happy to try these new things - the taste buds are always open to new experiences.
But there are certain substances that they can detect on impact, setting off a warning system like the ones throughout the Puyallup valley that are there to warn of a Mt. Rainier eruption. This alarm is so intense that it's almost painful to endure, which is my clear sign that whatever recently entered my mouth must NEVER enter it again. With a reaction that strong, I know that it's not just a "matter of taste"... No, it's got to be that a life-threatening substance has crossed my lips, and I am being given fair warning by my protector so that I can shut off the supply before any serious damage is done.
This system is effective enough that it is known as the Tastebud Alert System.
What foods set off the alert?
One of the worst offenders is pictured here:
NOT ALL, JUST GREEN AND ORANGE
I don't know why they even MAKE the nasty green and orange ones!
SOME varieties of orange candies are okay, in fact I actually like the Brach's orange slices. But for every other candy that comes in colours (except for M&M's, where the colour truly doesn't matter) I can not STAND the orange and green ones.
Mike & Ike? Red and Yellow are delightful! Orange and green are "for the kids" or even "for the garbage can." Dots, Jujyfruits, Skittles and Starburst? Same thing. Tastebud Alert System goes off, complete with the notification that this is not a test.
Back when my beloved Mad Jack's was in business, they always had a "Mystery Flavor" in the freezer. They'd give you a free spoonful and see if you could identify it. One time I took my bite and immediately recognized the same horrible artificial flavoring that's in all the green (and often the orange) candies. I made a twisted face, and when they asked me what flavor I thought it was, I just said something about how much I hate that awful artificial citrus flavor. It turned out to be Cherry-Lime, but all I could taste was that nastiness.
My tastebuds seem to be hyper-sensitive to tastes that I really hate, and I assume this is because they're actually really bad for me and it's a defense mechanism. Someday when it's confirmed that all artificially orange and lime flavored candy actually contains alien DNA and that 85% of the population is being transformed into big-eyed, grey-skinned human eaters, I will be left to say that I told you so!
There are other foods that get the same reaction, in fact maybe an even stronger reaction. Top of that list?
CILANTRO
As far as I'm concerned, this stuff isn't even food. And I can taste even the smallest amounts in a larger recipe as if I was chewing on a big ol' leaf of it. It sets off the Tastebud Alert System, and even my nose gets in on the action. I don't think I've ever been able to actually describe the feeling so I'll just say that it's the kind of negative reaction that lets you know you've stumbled across some seriously heinous evil, and you should endeavour to stay far, far away in the future.
There are others, but I have definitely covered the two largest ones. Like I said, I'm not really picky - quite the opposite actually! Which just serves to further my case against these two items.
Now you've seen the evidence. You possess the facts. You can make your own decisions from here on out. This concludes this test of the Tastebud Alert System.
You probably are going to scream at me, but I like Cilantro. I didn't at first, but it is a taste that gradually comes. Then you want it. It doesn't seem possible, but it is true for me. Oh, and I like the orange jujifruits. See, I have really made you upset huh.. Love this post. You and Susan are hilarious.
ReplyDeleteMiiiiike, now don't scream at me, but I actually like the orange and green jujyfruits. Of course they don't even come close to my beloved red ones. And another interesting fact, even though in all other candies I almost always love the lemon ones best, I don't really like the yellow jujyfruits. They have a taste akin to lemon scented floor polish. Not that I have ever actually tasted floor polish, but you get what I mean. Also, do you remember when lime was one of the original starburst flavors? I loved those. Then they took them out and replaced them with cherry. The cherry are not bad but I have always held a grudge against them for having the nerve to think they are better than the lime ones. I don't like cilantro either. But you know Donald puts it in his Donsalsa. I guess I don't mind it in small amounts but I can't stand it if it's the number two or three ingredient.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure I've never tried jujyfruits...I'll have to get on that.
ReplyDeleteAAAAGH!!! Mike you are being posessed by our father from the grave! How about a slice of coconut cream pie?
ReplyDeleteNo, No, NO!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE Coconut Cream Pie. Unless it's got cilantro or artificial lime flavoring on it.
Real Limes, I have NO problem with. It's the artificial acidic powder they use to make things "taste like" lime that set off the warnings.
Furthermore, I would NEVER chase people around trying to get them to eat something they say they don't like or want just because I think it's good. I'd be perfectly happy to have more to myself. That gene may have been passed on to Brian, but it skipped me.
Well, OK, but Dad did hate cilantro.
ReplyDeleteI never knew that! It appears that Dad was occasionally right about something!!
ReplyDelete(with the irony being that he was certain he was right about EVERYTHING...)
I am the EXACT same way with artificial cinnamon flavoring. I get ill when I smell or taste it. I get a headache and I feel nauseous. It was torturous to work at Michaels during the holiday season, scented pine cones, uuhhg. So although I don't have the same feelings on the foods you do, I know just what you are saying.
ReplyDelete